What is strength?

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I saw a meme on social media this week, that said something like “I’ve met anyone who is strong that has an easy past”.

I’m glad that it’s been sunny this week, I think I would have taken to my duvet and hid underneath it never to come out again otherwise. There has been a lot of crappy news, a lot of tough conversations, me making some decisions that have upset people because I’ve misunderstood them, and a lot of things to pile on the anxiety. It’s Wednesday, and I’m ready to be done. I’m ready to quit.

There are not many times I’d say that I wish I was married. But right now I wish I was. I’m not dumb, I know that marriage doesn’t equal happiness or security (hey, there’s a REASON that I’ve not settled for a guy who has simply shown interest in me!). There are however moments where I dream of coming home knowing that I’m not facing the garbage alone. There’s someone to consult on decisions. There’s more than one person to bring in an income and share the bills with. There’s a shoulder to cry on. There’s someone to laugh with.

The past 7 days have been full of those moments.

I do not feel strong. I spend too much time admiring others’ strength. I’m very good at keeping myself awake while fretting about the little stuff, beating myself up. Conversations I’d like to re-do. Conversations I’m worried about having. Worrying that people hate me and think I’m rubbish.

Actually the strength comes in picking yourself back up again when you’ve been knocked down. Keeping going when the going gets tough.

 

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